40 Best Joey Diaz Quotes To Uplift Your Mood

  • Famous

Looking for the greatest quotes by Joey Diaz? We have got the best collection of Joey Diaz quotes, sayings, captions, phrases (with images, pictures, memes) to motivate you every morning.

Joey Diaz is a Cuban-American stand-up comedian, actor, and podcaster. His career as a comedian began while he was in prison after he entertained fellow inmates. In 2010, Diaz started to gain widespread notoriety from his appearances on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast.

Full name: José Antonio Díaz,  Aka: Joey “CoCo” Diaz

Born: February 19, 1963,  Born in: Havana, Cuba

Occupation: Cuban-American stand-up comedian, actor, and podcaster.

Height: 178 cm: Weight: 110 kg,  Net worth:  $0.5 million

Don’t forget to also read our collection of Dolly Parton quotes that will inspire you to live your life fully.

Famous Joey Diaz Quotes

  1. “I love Houston.” – Joey Diaz

  2. “Who’s better than you?” – Joey Diaz

  3. “I just farted on the plane… tremendous!” – Joey Diaz

  4. “It’s either blue cheese with wings or go….” – Joey Diaz

  5. “If you’re walking on ice, you might as well dance.” – Joey Diaz

  6. “You gotta see the devil before you can be your own god.” – Joey Diaz

  7. “You have to justify your existence everyday to the universe.” – Joey Diaz

  8. “I tell ya, you can walk out on your feet or crawl out on your knees, ya follow me?”

  9. “Like when something happens and you add comedy to it, it makes it okay.” – Joey Diaz

  10. “The guy tells you the whole white version of what just happened.” – Joey Diaz

  11. “People die millionaires. All your life, you’re gonna stress money?” – Joey Diaz

  12. “I’m Hispanic. I’m a Catholic. I believe in God. I believe in karma.” – Joey Diaz

  13. “I like people with a little bit of edge to them. They gotta do something.” – Joey Diaz

  14. “I’m so high right now, if I went into a church I’d mug the preacher for a wafer.” – Joey Diaz

  15. “I don’t have to carry my own suitcase. I can make a living as an author.” – Joey Diaz

  16. “I tell ya, you can walk out on your feet or crawl out on your knees, ya follow me?” – Joey Diaz

  17. “I don’t always go to church but when I do, I go to the church of what’s happening now.” – Joey Diaz

  18. “I’m also gonna do an audiobook—turning that into an audiobook.” – Joey Diaz

  19. “I thought I would be an extra one time in a movie. And I would have been happy with that.” – Joey Diaz

  20. “I didn’t want to leave North Bergen, but I knew that for me to grow as a human being and for me too.” – Joey Diaz

  21. “I had too much negativity. I had too many bad things that happened and I’d always go back to doing something stupid.” – Joey Diaz

  22. “I remember looking at the year 2000 like something I was never going to hit.” – Joey Diaz

  23. “Hey, I’m not rich, but I’m lucky. I get to do what I want to do. That’s not an easy thing to do in this country.” – Joey Diaz

  24. “I was just coming out of prison, I was married, and I had a kid, and I didn’t know what to do, so I tried stand-up.” – Joey Diaz

  25. “I lived in my car in Hollywood for a year, and then it got towed. My… apartment got towed. How… does that happen?” – Joey Diaz

  26. “I think it took me three years to get on stage after I got out of prison.” – Joey Diaz

  27. “I just showed up at the Comedy Store. You keep showing up, and you keep showing up, and eventually, somebody notices.” – Joey Diaz

  28. “You start thinking about all these insecurities. Then I realized, You know what? I’m from fuching New Jersey.” – Joey Diaz

  29. “I think I was always doomed to be involved in some type of comedy because I was an only child, so I learned early on to justify everything in my head with comedy.” – Joey Diaz

  30. “Comedy had made its point; there was no reason to be a criminal when I had little things going with comedy. So comedy, in a way, saved my life.” – Joey Diaz

  31. “When something bad happens like that at the time, you never think of… I never dreamed at that time.” – Joey Diaz

  32. “Ford, Suzuki, Subaru—all those cars are good. Subaru went the extra mile—they give you free service now. Because it’s not about the product anymore; it’s about customer service and what you wrap around it.” – Joey Diaz

  33. “I’m a stand-up comic, but I also have ideas, and I want to get them out. People think getting in front of the mic is the only way to work out. You’ve got to try different situations.” – Joey Diaz

  34. “If I see an audition for a show or a movie, I’ll send a tape in. I attack it. The whole time, I’m booking comedy, so no matter what, I always got that coming in. I’m always working on my craft.” – Joey Diaz

  35. “Let’s say sometimes I go into an audition or I go to a comedy club or I’m waiting to go up. While you’re waiting to do anything, all of your insecurities come up.” – Joey Diaz

  36. “I want to write a book on addictions, just to let people know the horrible things I did and the horrible situations I’ve put myself in.” – Joey Diaz

  37. “I was going to call my friends in Jersey to send me money for a fax machine so I could fax Jay Leno jokes from prison. I swear to God. I was gonna do like three years, I was just gonna fax Jay Leno jokes.” – Joey Diaz

  38. “When you and I were growing up, we were fans of people. We had a poster of Richard Pryor on our wall or a poster of Led Zeppelin or Tool or Pink Floyd. That doesn’t exist today.” – Joey Diaz

  39. “Three fuching years of procrastination and I still messed around until maybe ’99. And after like, 2000, I was okay.” – Joey Diaz

  40. “I was making money in Colorado, I was taking classes at night, I had a ski pass, I had a nice apartment, and it made me get on a plane and go home for my birthday in 1984.” – Joey Diaz

  41. “People knew I did blow, but I didn’t tell nobody my secret. People knew, but you never saw me high, so I understand. That’s what this book is about.” – Joey Diaz

  42. “This guy baptized me in a church and I fucked him over and I remember he said, “The next time I see you, I’m going to shoot you.” And he pulled away on the motorcycle and I got on the bus.” – Joey Diaz


Some of his famous movies of Joey Diaz are “Spider Man 2”, “Taxi”, “The Longest Yard” and “My name is Earl ”.  He is a person who produced a huge number of quotes in his life which are really life related and the outcome of his personal experiences and are funny too.

Which of these amazing Joey Diaz quotes is your favorite? Do you have any other quotes to add? Let us know in the comment section below.

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